I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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