My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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