He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
