so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
