I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
