I think my fart just growled at me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
