i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
