Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
