I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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