She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
