Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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