why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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