i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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