Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
