And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
