god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
