Sponge bath it is.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
