you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
