wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
