no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
