Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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