I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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