you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
