Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
