I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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