it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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