I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
