playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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