I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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