turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
