You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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