is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize