I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
