He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
