yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize