I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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