He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
