Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
