Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize