I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
