in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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