he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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