It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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