I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
