Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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