God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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