I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
