My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
