There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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