So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
