god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
