Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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