New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize