so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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