Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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