thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
