Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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