The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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