Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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