I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
