maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
