1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
