I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
