took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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