You're my little dorito
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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