took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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