Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
