How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
only you would photoshop your dick
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
