Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
