Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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