So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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