I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
