she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
