doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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