When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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