Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
